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Last updated July 22, 2010 |
Al-Anon and Alateen
Family Groups
of
Al-Anon's monthly magazine, The Forum,
contains many personal stories of inspiration,
three of which are made available each month on the
Internet by authorization
of the Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters,
Inc.
Subscribe to The Forum or to read more articles published this month
Al-Anon gave me back my
sense of self
The Forum,
July 2010
By Anonymous, Northern
I came to my first meeting to try to stop my
husband from drinking. I knew he was a
good person at heart. He just changed so
much when he drank. Al-Anon members
welcomed me, shared with me, and I became part of this great fellowship.
I never knew how disturbed I was—cleaning
windows at midnight, doing laundry first thing in the morning before fixing
breakfast or dressing the children. I
had a great need to be organized and be one step ahead, running a race of a
life. I thought I was okay.
My husband got sober. We were a great A.A. family, and to prove
this we had three A.A. babies, bringing up our total number of children to
six. Life was far from perfect, but it
was better without the drinking. I
resented the time he spent at A.A. meetings, so I opened our home to A.A.s so I
could share that part of his life.
I wanted my dream family. We bought a bigger house, got a bigger car,
then a much bigger house, other things became more important. I still went to meetings, but was not as
engaged in recovery as I once had been.
The dream fell apart when my husband had an
affair, which turned into a long-term relationship. I was devastated, I loved this man. My recovery had slipped and I wasn’t
equipped to handle this.
After much pain I was back to working the
Steps, giving my all to recovery. I knew
there was no other road for me. After
years of living lies, I finally got the courage to ask him to leave the family
home. This was difficult for my children
and hard for me to watch their pain.
Al-Anon had given me a sense of self, so I
wasn’t the bitter twisted person that bad-mouthed their dad or his new
partner to them. I’m not perfect,
but I’m willing to grow. I hurt
too.
Three years ago, my youngest son, the darling
of the family, died from an overdose after a long struggle with a mental health
illness. He had lived at home with me. My love for him was unconditional, but I had
found it hard to deal with some of his behavior.
The Al-Anon program and members have nursed
me back to living again. My pain is
still raw at the loss of my son, but I accept his life was not in my hands. He had a power in his life too. I tried to understand the reason for his
death, but had to come to a place of acceptance that in this life I’ll
never know the reason; I just have to trust.
My recovery in Al-Anon has been a journey, I
learn about me every day. Life throws
challenges and I now watch how I react.
Sometimes I meddle, sometimes I interfere; sometimes I get it wrong,
sometimes I get it right; but I always have to come to a place where I say, “Hi
God, it’s you and me for today. I’ll
take your guidance and direction, because I’m powerless. I know whatever happens; I’ll be able
to deal with it because I’m no longer alone.”
.
Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.